Being a starfish in the bedroom, a term used to describe a lazy lover, is often seen as a negative trait, especially for women. Laura Roscioli, a Melbourne-based sex writer, explores this concept and its relation to feminism in her recent article.
According to Roscioli, the term “starfish” was often used in a derogatory manner to describe a woman who doesn’t actively participate in sex. This notion led her to question her own behavior in the bedroom and the pressure to always be active and attentive to her partner’s needs.
Roscioli decided to challenge this expectation by trying a different approach with her boyfriend. She told him she wanted to have sex, but only if she could lie there and do absolutely nothing. To her surprise, he was completely fine with it.
This experience led Roscioli to realize that sex doesn’t always have to be hard work. It can be restful and energizing, rather than draining. She found that by letting go of the need to perform and please her partner, she was able to relax and enjoy the experience more.
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As she lay there, Roscioli imagined herself suspended in a womb-like hammock, being rocked to sleep. She let her body hang, feeling the bed beneath her, and allowed herself to sink into the sensation. This mental visualization helped her to relax and let go of any tension or anxiety.
Roscioli‘s experience as a starfish in the bedroom also made her think about the concept of female emotional labor. Women are often expected to anticipate and manage their partner’s needs, which can be exhausting. By doing nothing and letting her partner take the lead, Roscioli was able to reclaim some of that emotional energy.
She stopped worrying about how her body looked or what noises she was making. She even stopped caring about her boyfriend’s pleasure for a moment. This was about rest, not emotional labor. This was about her.
As Roscioli notes, this experience was a radical departure from her usual approach to sex. She had always been active and attentive, trying to please her partner and manage their desires. But by letting go of that need to control, she was able to tap into a deeper sense of pleasure and satisfaction.
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Roscioli‘s story highlights the importance of listening to our bodies and following their instincts during sex. In a world that often teaches women to prioritize their partner’s desires over their own, it can be challenging to take the pressure off and let pleasure come to us.
However, as Roscioli discovered, this can be a powerful and liberating experience. By letting go of societal expectations and focusing on her own desires, she was able to find a new sense of freedom and joy in the bedroom.
As she reflects on her experience, Roscioli realizes that being a starfish in the bedroom can be a feminist act. It’s about reclaiming our bodies and our desires, and refusing to be bound by societal expectations of what it means to be a “good” lover.
In the end, Roscioli‘s story shows the importance of self-discovery and the importance of listening to our own needs and desires. By adopting our vulnerability and letting go of the need to control, we can find a deeper sense of pleasure and satisfaction in the bedroom.